Since coming back to the USA 2 years ago there has been a series of events forcing me to make choice about family and friendships. It has been the hardest thing ever. Sometimes the best way for me to let things go is to physically make something with my hands. An act of transformation.
This does one of two things for me: (1) A physical way to focus and process life's hardships in recent times, or (2) a way to avoid what must be done.
One thing I have learned over the years regarding when it is time to let go is a signal, or feeling of a certain sort, will come to me. Something in my being clicks into the mode of sorting and clearing. For no real reason either. It simply happens. Sometimes those signals hit me when I least expect it.
For example: six weeks before I moved from Pennsylvania to New Mexico a sudden urge came over me to pack up my books. One afternoon my entire second bedroom was packed up. At the end of the day I noted how odd that desire and action were. No plans were in place to move for another 5 months out. No other urge came after that day until two weeks later when I lost my job. Four weeks later movers were picking up my stuff to be moved to New Mexico for my next job. A job that came out of no where at the perfect time.
I truly thought moving to the Netherlands was something I'd regret for the rest of my life. Everything in my physical realm was pointing to move, but for some reason the feeling wasn't there. All my belongings were sold off only to return 9 months later to start my life over again. How long was this choice going to hang over my head?
That was true until this morning's dream... "Time to let things go. Let go." The signal has hit. Every fiber of me is now in the mode of letting things go. My heart reached the point where holding onto regret no longer served me. I was free after that dream.
What held me back? Not exactly sure at this point. My best guess is it is hard to say goodbye to certain friends and places. This is one of them. Everything in its own time. One more step in faith.