Photo Credit here
Looking back into my journals after coming home from Greece and getting ready to move to the Netherlands I found this nugget about taking sabbaticals. The return can leave you feeling torn up and uncertain. Journal excerpt from June 2012.
Decisions can be the toughest thing you ever do. The art of navigating a dream is full of them. Even the little ones can alter it all.
More lessons learned about moving and my go for my dreams. The photo quote above says, "She decided to start living the life she'd imagined." That decision alone comes with all kinds of interesting crossroads. Seven months ago I had no idea where that decision was going to bring me. It is a place where you experience the death of an old life while you prepare for the new one.
The last couple of weeks I've been quite the cranky pants to say the least. Yesterday it all started to make sense as to why. Normally my home is a sanctuary to me. Not too many people have seen the inside of my home and all the treasures that are held inside. This move has people emailing, calling, coming and going about everything. Letting people into my home was like letting them walk into my soul. On top of that there is the sorting of keepsakes. Asking over and over, "Will this get used again?" or "What purpose does this serve in the next life?" All of this is quite uncomfortable!
There was also another aspect that had me cranky - spreading myself too thin with social invites. It is so easy to get caught up in last minute goodbyes that you forget your priorities. Ugh!
Last year when I traveled through Greece a theme kept coming up - death. Different aspects of it came up everywhere I went - in my dreams, seeing a grave being dug up, a random funeral procession, to a releasing ceremony in Santorini. When I returned from my dream trip it became very clear that a part of my had died. What used to serve me no longer does.
As odd as this may sound, my moving overseas represents a death and rebirth. A death of my old life and the birth of my new life. Mixed with the letting go comes grieving. Grieving of the way things were. Grieving for what no longer is. Letting go of my furniture was the tipping point for me. This is how it all came together in my mind of what this actually is. As soon as this realization came to mind it became very easy to sell things off.
I'm not 100% sure of what the new life contains, or exactly what it looks like, but it involves a celebration of my decision. My decision of deciding to life the life I'd imagined. Life is good!