An oldie from my journal while living in the Netherlands...... it is still hard to accept that I moved back from the Netherlands.  I'm always wondering if I did the right thing.  Reading this entry made me realize that unsettled feeling will come to pass in time.

The decision has been made about leaving the Netherlands.  It has been in the making for quite some time.  Probably since the day I arrived (nearly seven months ago).  Two things have been repeatedly said to me about living overseas: (1) the first year is the hardest year living overseas, (2) It takes time to adjust to all the new things while grieving the loss of the old things.  From what I can gather so far both statements are true.  The exception is based on how willing a person is to endure the transition.  For me, I am no longer open to the experience of living here.  A clear resolution.

noun /ˌrezəˈlo͞oSHən/ 
resolutions, plural

  1. A firm decision to do or not to do something
  2. The quality of being determined or resolute
  3. The action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter
  4. The disappearance of inflammation, or of any other symptom or condition
  5. The conversion of something abstract into another form
  6. The degree of detail visible in a photographic or television image


decision - determination - resolve - solution

In spite of the clear resolution something in me is unresolved about leaving.  It feels like the decision is only half the answer.  The resolution of my life in the Netherlands is not at the best quality to see why.  Take the picture below for instance.

Resolution Photo from Adobe

Looking at the 60 ppi resolution image most people would be able to confidently say this is a cross sectional view of a flower.  This is about the level of resolution I have on my decision to move on.  Intuitively is where I have the most confidence in the choice.  The 240 ppi resolution image gives more of the finer details of the flower.  Those additional details give a stronger appreciation of the image.  This is what I'm looking for - a stronger appreciation of my choice. 

For some reason every part of my is saying to wait a little bit longer before I move on.  Internally I need to be at peace with my departure of the Netherlands.  I'm not quite there yet.  Close, but not quite.  Each step I take to work on the emotional aspect brings me closer to achieving this.  A long time ago I learned that what you don't resolve in a relationship will be waiting for you in the next one.  Before moving on take the opportunity to learn all you can.  When the learning lessons are complete you will know it is time to move on with complete confidence and internal peace.  Those last few lessons are what need to be wrapped up.

It is my mission to have a successful resolution to the situation.