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Too Much at Once

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Too Much at Once

Nicole Emery

Quoted from: Zephyrance Lou

Ever since I signed up for my Match profile I have had nothing but anxiety about it.  The feeling got the better of me and tonight the subscription was canceled.  Two things happened that brought about this choice.  The first reason has to do with a previous unpleasant experience I had.  About 18 months ago I was looking at an online dating website and saw an image of a man that shocked me.  He looked a lot like the man who has plagued me in my dreams for over a decade.  Long story short within two days of signing up for the service I figured out the profile that drew me in was a scam artist.  The findings were reported to the website and the profile was promptly removed.  Nothing happened to me.  It was just disappointing.  The other disappointing part of the experience was none of the men responded to my inquiries.  Talk about dealing with rejection!  After two weeks I left the service behind.  This time, right out the gate, the first guy that I think has a great profile ends up being another scam artist profile.  Again?

The second reason for the choice is I don't feel ready to let this part of my life open up yet.  There is too much going on right now - getting ready to take my road trip to Alaska, getting things lined up for Greece, taking on this project, ending the engineering career and preparing for an upcoming move.  Knowing all this is going on taking on one more thing was spreading myself too thin.  I'm not ready to look at this yet.  Divine Order making another appearance.  Perhaps at a later date I'll use Match again.  For now, it simply isn't the right time.

Perhaps there is a third element here.... like attracts like is coming to mind.  Law of Attraction principle number one to be exact.  I'm in a place where I am unreachable on the topic.  Deep down I'm afraid to jump into another relationship.  My fear is attracting exactly what I believe - online dating is scary, this is not the place to meet the man of my dreams, and I'm trying to control a time line that I have no control over.  I've gotten exactly that - a scam artist profile and zero men have attempted contact with me.  I had 62 views in 48 hours.  Not a bad batting average.  However, no connections.  This is sort of a wake up call.

My wake up call is around the fear I hold entering into a relationship.  Instead of letting the fear get the better of me I'm going to replace it with curiosity and let that guide me through it.  My end goal is to either have a soulmate in my life, or make peace with not having one.  Neither of which include fear as a rationale.  Today I approach The Unknown with curiosity.....